How to become a better listener
Previously I have written about why listening skills are so fundamental to effective leadership and why we all should try to be better listeners.
In this article I’m going to look at one area that can limit our listening and share a SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Timely) strategy we can use to help us to improve our listening skills.
Identify your Listening Blockers
One of the common blockers to listening is simply that we talk too much. Such a simple issue but how can we talk less?
First we need to identify why we are doing so much talking.
Is it that we are just so enthusiastic about the subject we just can’t help but jump in to help. Or is that we, to quote Celeste Hedley, “we feel in control when we do the talking”.
Some other common listening blockers are:
Multi-tasking
Distractions
Time constraints
You think you already know what the situation is
Whatever the reason, once we identify what it is the second step is to flip the conversation.
Flip the conversation
To flip the conversation we need to ask open ended questions. Get the other person talking and when they do we need to listen. We also need to demonstrate that we are listening. So how can we do this?
Using playbacks on a regular basis will help us to show we have been listening and also it allows us to make sure that we have understood what has been said.
When we ask questions that encourage the other person to speak we are able to demonstrate that we care and are interested in what they are saying. Asking questions helps us to gain a deeper understanding of what the other person is saying and even more importantly why they are saying what they do.
When we ask the right questions we can help the person to come up with their own solutions. The more we can get the other person to share the better we can truly understand what the real issues and challenges are for them.
Specific Listening Goal:
To restrain my enthusiasm when talking to others and ask them more questions about their subject.
How will I measure my success?
I will listen more than I speak. To this end I will reflect back on my conversations and ask record the following data points
Did I listen or speak more?
Did I ask good/enough questions that deepen my understanding of the topic?
Did the person feel listened to?
Is it achievable?
Yes. I can channel my enthusiasm into nods and statements of support rather than in talking. I can also ask questions to help show my support and demonstrate my understanding.
Is this realistic?
Yes, I can control my responses because I genuinely care about what those around me have to say.
What is my timeframe?
Starting immediately and I will reflect on each of my conversations until this behaviour feels natural and comfortable.
Listening is a critical skill and taking small steps to improve can help us in our jobs as well as in our personal lives. A coach is a great listener and can help you if you want to improve in this area of your development.
