How do you uncover what you don’t know?
I find in many coaching conversations that two topics consistently come up for discussion. These two topics are that people need to listen more effectively and ask better questions.
Why ask questions?
Increase understanding
Avoid errors
Demonstrate empathy
When we take the time to really listen to people and ask thoughtful questions we are able to better understand the real challenges and issues the person is facing. We are able to get to the heart of the matter and actually solve problems.
Why don't people ask questions?
Don't want to
Don't feel comfortable doing so
Don't want to be seen as ignorant
I find many people are uncomfortable with asking a lot of questions because they are either embarrassed to show ignorance or don’t want the other person to get irritated with them. Sometimes it can also be because we don’t know what we don’t know and so we don’t know to ask about it. So how can we avoid this from happening?
What should you question?
Every statement
Your own bias and assumptions
Qualify the details, agreements and next steps
The issue
How many times do you receive information but that once you act or the other person acts upon it there is a mistake or someone goes about the task incorrectly.
Why does this happen?
It happens because we don’t actually ask enough questions. We make assumptions and then are surprised when it turns out our assumptions are wrong.
So how can we avoid this from happening?
Ask effective questions
Ask questions until you fully understand the issue
Playback with open questions
Summarise the discussion
Don’t be afraid to ask more questions. Qualify information and double check the details. Try saying “I understand that you see two issues blocking you from moving forward. I’d like us to really dig into each issue separately. Can you explain further what you meant when you said X statement?”
Identify and test your assumptions, we all have biases and we need to understand how they impact us and our understanding of an event. Have you ever arranged to meet someone at a location you both knew. Then when you get there you’re in a different spot from each other. This is because you both had made an assumption about the location and didn’t double check your information.
Regularly rephrase or paraphrase what you have heard. This way you can make sure that you have got the facts correct and take the time to uncover hidden issues that you may not be aware of.
Once you have completed your discussion then summarise the key points and your next steps with . I also try to do this via email if I can. Once it’s written down it's harder to forget what you agreed to do and by when.
